Montana 2004

Just after graduating college in 2004, me and my buddy Nick headed out to Montana. What follows is my recollection of the trip.

If my memory serves me, this story will involve downhill mountain biking, a bear on a golf course and a cute girl who worked at the wood cutting mill.


At the time Nick owned a business installing TV’s and stereo systems. One of his clients from Florida also owned a house out in Montana and wanted Nick to come out and jazz it up a bit. Nick invited me. Here’s the house we stayed at…

montana mansion

House we stayed at in Montana

Pretty sweet pad, huh?

The house was at the top of a mountain. And the mountain had a golf course on it. (BTW, the last day we were there a bear was spotted on the golf course chasing around golfers. AWESOME!)

After getting a little work done installing running wires and installing a TV and speaker we decided to do a little adventuring to see what Montana offered a couple of Florida boys.

So we got in the car and headed off for Glacier National Park. Here’s me and Nick (I’m the bald guy) chillin’ at the entrance…

Glacier National Park

Glacier National Park

I’d never been to a glacier before, so me and Nick headed straight to the summit. Along the way we took a bunch of pictures…

Didn't know it could Snow in May

shirtless handstand

Yes, that's me doing a handstand with my shirt off

Glacier National Park

Mountain Biking at the Summit

Glacier National Park

Sucky Snowman (I never made one before)

Not that we got all the touristy shit out of the way, it was time for some real adventuring on mountain bikes and with the locals. The rest of this blog has no pictures because we were either going too fast down the mountain…or…we were having so much fun drinking with the locals that we completely forgot to take pictures.

Story #1 – The Girl Who Thought Eminem Was Wity

So we walk into this bar where everybody was drinking an awful concoction of beer, tomato juice and pickled asparagus. I tell the bartender we’re from Florida and I ask what’s up with the red beer. Apparently, it’s a popular local drink.


Since I’ll pretty much say anything to have a good time (true or not) I began to make up local favorites from Florida. One of which was a raw egg mixed with Vodka. The bartender tried it out (kudos to her) and then started making us local favorite shots. The rest of the story gets a little fuzzy…

Word got round that Floridians were in the bar and the locals started asking us about hockey (it was the stanley cup playoffs and the Tampa Bay Lightning were facing off against the Calgary Flames).

I started waxing off about how hockey is easy if you live in a cold climate, but you have to be a true die hard hockey fan to play in Florida. With this, Nick announced that the Stanley Cup should come back to it’s rightful place in Florida.

With half of the bar loving us and half hating us…a few (surprisingly attractive for working at a wood cutting mill) women folk started talking to us.

A little background before I go on – Florida is the land of year round bikini’s and plastic surgery. Most every attractive girl in Florida is on a full time mission to make herself more physically attractive (usually foregoing advancing herself in other important endeavors…like education, life experience and hobbies). So I generally make it a point to talk about vacuous stuff to every girl I meet (in a fun and playful way).

The subject comes up about hip-hop and one of the girls exclaims that she loves Eminem and thinks he is just so witty…reciting a few of his lyrics to prove her point.

At this I exclaim that I’m an underwater welder (lying of course) and I have such a hard time listening to my headphones while welding underwater. Meanwhile, Nick says he’s a professional pilot and tells stories about how he stopped listening to rap years ago because it caused him to nosedive passenger planes and almost give them heart attacks.

The girl is in awe.

Unfortunately she tells her smart friend about this. With a quick glance she looks at the both of us, and then at her friend and says “Bullshit”.

I guess Montanians ain’t that dumb at all.

This is what I remember about Montana.